Reflections on Flourish

Yesterday in my Flourish group we were asked to tell the story of our true north, and what grand gesture would we need to take to solidify this. Here is my response, written in the 15 minutes that we were given:

My true north is wherever and whatever God wants to align me to. I have dreams of writing my story. I have had prophetic words spoken over it. I have had visions given to me that if I don’t write my story, thousands will be denied my wisdom. It is not magic, it is God’s creation. Ask and it shall be given, seek and ye shall receive.. I set my intention, I visualise my intention, I see my book manifested in physical form. I create it by taking a book and covering it with my book cover, with my title book publisher on the dust jacket. I visualise a famous author writnng the foreword. I cast a spell on my story being a success. I visualise myself at book signings and recitals. I see myself standing up at Adoption UK conferences and at APPG, who have no adoptee on their panel. I become an adoptee advocate and voice to groups who think they have adoption at their heart, but they continue to use language and miss the basics that only fuels the issue with the children of today, who will become the adults of the future, with the same issues that we have in Flourish. Parents need to know how they are adding to our issues. That is my true north. If my true north aligns with God’s will, then it will happen.

My first grand gesture is to hand over my ego, to surrender to God, to stop trying to get it to happen, and relax, safe in the knowledge that God has this. It is not magic, but by the power of the Holy Spirit this shall com to pass. I need to play my part, take the action of taking the time of sitting down and writing my story to send to the publisher.

My practical grand gesture is to take what appears to be a side-step, to stand for a seat in the Scottish parliament, safe in the knowledge that God has this and that each step in my life is a step towards my true north. Skills and experiences will help my development as a person, dealing with things that I have not encountered before, which will prepare me for events that I have not thought about in the book world, for the future. At times when it has been dark and hard, I have struggled to cope with it, and it is only with hindsight that I have come to realize that beautiful gems come as a result of either irritation in the case of a pearl, or intense pressure where diamonds are formed. By going through the furnace and fire of life, I will get to my true north.

Where is your true north and are you sterring towards it?

Blessings and Joy, Joy

What is Your North Star?

In the Flourish group today we were asked what our North Star is. What are we focussed on and travelling towards.

My North Star has to be my book that will be published. It would appear that I have gone a little off piste, as the deadline for the book proposal is tomorrow and I have steered off course to campaign for the upcoming elections on 6th May, but my faith is strong and I know that God has me doing what he wants me to do. All of my life I have preferred to be on my own. I work on my own and am happy doing so. What I am doing at the moment is showing me that I can work alongside others. Today I have worked with a couple of other people to organise the bundling and distribution of 70,000 campaign leaflets. A major feat for me, believe me.

Blessings and Joy, Joy

Jumping Over the Obstacles

Writing Prompt. Hay House writer’s community, pathway 2, some step somewhere on the path.

My #1 obstacle is……?

My number one obstacle at the moment is time. No it’s not, it’s the organization of time. I have the same time in my days as everyone else, and yet other people have managed to write a book and get it published, so time is not the issue it is the organization of it. Let’s start again shall we?

My number one obstacle at the moment is that the process of writing a book is humungous, the more I research it the more that I realise that there is a huge amount that goes into writing a book and the whole process, and I gulp at the enormity of it all. I have a very good suppport system, who give me positive encouragement and feedback and tell me that the world needs my book, which is very encouraging, and then I watch another step in the Hay House writer’s community and realise that there is so much more to writing a book than just writing your story. Support is everything, to help get over the obstacles. There is a whole team behind each book.

At the moment I have a deadline of April 19th to get a book proposal in, and I have so much to do towards it. I need to find other books in my genre, which my book will complement and I honestly can’t find one. I have found adoptee memoirs such as Anne Heffron’s “You Don’t Look Adopted” or AHL Beattie’s trilogy, but neither of them are prescriptive memoirs or offer teaching or tips of how to deal with the after effects, the emotional roller coaster which adoptees experience. Then there is Nancy Verrier’s work of “Coming Home to Self” but she is not an adoptee, she is a professional and an adoptive parent, so I am still searching for the books to compare for that section of the book proposal. Maybe I can use the examples I have given and say that my story is going to combine the two types into a teaching memoir. Oh and the other constraint is that the book should have been published within the past two years. Nancy Verrier’s work is over 25 years old I believe. Anne’s and Beattie’s are more recent, but they are not teaching memoirs. So if anyone knows of a teaching memoir that has been writtne by an adoptee in the past two years please let me know. It will allow me to jump over what is probably my number one obstacle at the moment. Time will tell.

Blessings and Joy, Joy

Thing 5 Word Friday

The lovely Esther Chilton over at Esther Chilton’s blog sets a challenge every Thursday, to tell a story in 5 words. I share my offerings with you in 5 Word Friday. This week’s word was “Thing”.

Here are mine:

Some thing for the weekend?
Things ain’t what they were.
Red jumpsuit for Thing 1.
Thing 1 divorces Thing 2.
Things created by Dr Seuss.
String and thing, kitchen drawer.
What is your saddest thing.
This crazy little thing life.
Things – sings with a lisp
My thing is getting away.
Brushes with this covid thing.
Have a great weekend thing.
Searching for things under cushions

The Secret.

Yesterday I met with my accountability buddies. I am still commited to my 100 posts in 100 days, but I also need to get on track to get my story out there for the benefit of those who are relying on it to find the joy in their lives following adoption. So I will leave you with this quote:

I am now off to listen to Hay House Q&A

Blessings & Joy, Joy

What Is Most Important to Me?

As I try and focus hard on writing my book and getting a book proposal in to Hay House publishing, I am still on track to write 100 blog posts in 100 days. My posts are currently being prompted by the suggestions that Hay House pose for us, in the writer’s community. I am currently on the Aspiring Author pathway, and was recently asked “The most important thing is…..? So here is my response to that question:

The most important thing to me is:

To be authentic. I would like this story of mine to inspire people that there is hope that they can lead a fulfilled life after adoption.

Adoptees are so often tuned into the emotions of separation ie guilt, sadness, shame etc and I want to provide them with a tool and a resource that they can tune into the emotions of connection, of love, kindness, compassion and forgiveness. It is not an easy path to tread but it is extremely rewarding. It is important that by writing my story, I can give them a role model, or scaffold by which they can build their own lives to discover who they were truly meant to be, to use the hardships, trials and tribulations that have happened to them, to bring out the gem that is hidden below the layers of hurt.

We had no control over our adoptions. We had no control over who raised us, who we were raised with, whether or not we could blend in or whether we stood out based purely on our facial features or skin colouring. We took what we were given and made the best of it, but for many it was not a family that reflected us.

It is important to me that the world understands how adoptees feel about themselves and how they filter and view the world. This would help them enormously to be understood by those who surround them. Isn’t it the hope of everyone to be understood by all who come into contact with them?

What is important to you?

Can You Help Me?

I am looking for two or three people who can help me with the ideas that I am mulling over and give feedback, with regard to the content of my book. If you could be one of them, the please comment at the bottom of this post, giving me your ideas on how I can improve my work.

Over the past few days I have been working through the Hay House steps, in an effort to become a published author. Today I was working on the benefits that my book will offer my readers. Here are my initial thoughts:

Explanation 1

By sharing the story of my life as an adoptee, by explaining the steps and processes that I have developed to help me with my understanding of myself, and my behaviours, I hope to help my readers understand how adoptees view the world. My reader may be an adoptee themselves, they may be parents or family members who have adopted, they may work with people within the adoption triad, or maybe even have employees who are adopted. My story will help them to understand how their behaviour may be contributing to the adoptee’s behaviour.

Many adoptees are labelled as borderline personality disorder, but I prefer to think that their behaviour is an adaptation behaviour. My book will explain this, to enable those around adoptees, to help support them.

Explanation 2

As an adoptee, I am writing a book that will be my personal story and journey, describing my life and how I came to find joy and myself by applying 7 simple steps to discover who the real Joy is.

By describing the daily rituals that I do, I hope to guide anyone who feels rejected, to feel more positive about themselves and to realise that to have another person love you, you first need to love yourself, for who you are.

These rituals are as important as showering, shaving, cleaning teeth and eating, for our personal wellbeing. Simple things in life will often trigger an adoptee, and these imple steps will help the reader to understand why they have been triggered and how to heal from it.

So which of thsoe 2 explanations would attract you to pick up my book and read it? Or maybe neither of them would and you are looking for something else to help you? Please comment and let me know.

Blessings and Joy, Joy

I am Writing a Book About…..

…so starts the writing prompt in the Hay House writing community aimed at those who are serious about writing their book. Here is my 7 minutes of free writing on the subject.

I am writing a book about my experience as an adoptee and how it has affected my life on a personal level.

Growing up knowing that I was adopted, I never really gave it any thought. I grew up in a loving household with my parents, three natural children of theirs, and one other girl who was fostered and adopted when she was eleven and I was six. I was legally adopted at four, but came to live with the family from 10 days old.

It was only when I left home that I began to behave in ways that looking back, I am disgusted with. At the time I was desperately unhappy, but I didn’t know it. Relationships were not total disaters, I had a couple of long term relationships in my 20’s but I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted and I certainly wasn’t very loving.

By writing my story I hope to reach out to other adoptees who are out there struggling to survive, struggling to swim in their own shark-infested emotions. My book aims to give people easy to follow guidelines as to how to start to be their own person, after a lifetime of living as a chameleon, trying to blend in with another family, sometimes so far removed from their own birth culture.

I hope that adoptive parents, social workers, teachers educationist, employers and bosses will take an interest in how the trauma inflicted at birth, affected my development and may appreciate the behaviour in those around them, and rather than label us as borderline personalitty disorder, we are seen as having adapted our behaviour to fit in, and that in the process we have lost the sesne of ourselves and need help and understanding to find ourselves.

Is this a book that you would pick up and read? Would it help you for yourself or for someone around you?

Blessings and Joy, Joy

Becoming a Jellyfish

As part of being in the Hay House writer’s community, I have access to a motivational video each month, and this month has been one by Deepak Chopra. It was just over 20 minutes long but it was packed full of useful information on the Principles of the Creative Process.

It was all very interesting, but as an adoptee, what intrigued me the most was his introduction of his own background working on what he called “molecules of emotion”.

He identified chemicals called neuro-peptides, which were released in every emotional state, each emotion having it’s own certain chemical. And the interesting ah-ha moment for me, was when he said that these chemicals are released and have receptors everywhere in the body. “The cells in our body listens to receive our emotions”.

So when the baby is relinquished at birth, it has receptors in every single part of it’s body, that register that emotion! No wonder we adoptees feel our pain in every single part of our body. Our body’s were so awash with the strong emotion it has been written into our cells, and we keep reproducing it. We are programmed from then on for separation, everything is filtered through that experience, and we become dis-connected in our emotions, thoughts and subsequent actions. Separating emotions are; guilt, shame, depression, sorrow

The mind is not in the brain, it is in all the cells of your body

Now that I have had that ah-ha moment, I can now take steps to over-write and change my receptors to one’s of connection. Connecting emotions are: joy, love, compassion, kindness, forgiveness.

Over the past month in the Flourish group we have been looking at the subject of embodiment. How do we feel in our bodies. This week, I kept getting images of jelly-fish, and tried to visualise and embody that ease of movement, effortless, gliding, within my own body’s movement, as I move. Jellyfish are invertebrates, that is they don’t have a back-bone. I was reminded of the phrase “get a back-bone”. To tell someone that they need to “get a back-bone” is to insinuate that they can’t stand up to people, allow themself to be walked over by other people, but what if what is actually needed is to float through life more like a jelly fish, which has no back-bone. My intention from now on is to glide and flow through life.

I have spent many hours watching this youtube clip of jellyfish doing just that. Whilst you watch it I am just going to glide off, down the stairs and get myself a large G&T, and will probably float off to bed and the land of nod.

Tomorrow I will share more of what Deepak shared about the principles of the creative process.

Blessings and Joy, Joy

New Skills

Flexing my writing skills and trying my hand at writing a limerick today.

There was a young thief from Devizes

Who was due at the court of assizes

Stuffing goods down the top

From their favourite shop

Made their breasts look like two different sizes.