Hygge on a Lukewarm Day

Some days you jump out of bed shouting “Carpe Diem” and others you pull the covers over your head and have a “hygge experience” as explained so succinctly by Suzie of Suzie Speaks. Today was the latter. There is a reason for feeling lukewarm about today, and if you are upset my sad stories then I urge you not to read any further than this.

Today is the day that my son should be celebrating his 27th birthday. But for whatever reason he chose, my son’s soul did not want to hang around on this planet. It entered this earthly plane and left it straight away. I manage to survive because I believe his soul chose me, a strong woman, to have that experience.

So forgive me if I am lukewarm today. Forgive me if I fail to see the funny side, the awe in nature, nor want to entertain or hold an intelligent conversation about mulit-million dollar questions.

Today is a day for embracing the simple things in life. Curling up on a sofa, watching the rain run in rivulets down the windowpane as I feel the tears do the same down my cheek. It is a day to soak in a bath, breathing deep the aromas of clary sage and jasmine. Oils that I know will bring forth more tears. Yesterday I heard about the death of a gentleman who has gone to be with his Maker. He was not my father, but he showed me fatherly love. It warms my heart to think that my son and this man will find each other, and that my son now has a guide in spirit with him. It warms me a little to reminisce group-outside-church

Tomorrow is also likely to be a day where I feel lukewarm. Over the coming days, as the days lengthen and signs of spring can be seen, I will begin to warm up, like the crocus that pops it’s head up out of the soil, the colour will return to my life. But for now, it’s an oxtail stew with dumplings for dinner, a cuddle on the sofa, wrapped up warm and snuggled with a man who understands me. The simple things in life.

Be kind to yourself

Thank you for reading

Blessings Joy

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Secrets and Turmoil

Period Costume Drama Versailles Pilgrims ProgressI happily admit that I am a bit of a costume period drama addict, and the most recent 1 that I am catching up on is Versailles, the story of the Sun King Louis XIV of France, the BBCs latest. It has been on about 5 weeks now, but I always seem to miss it when it is on the Beeb, and I amĀ  watching it on catch-up. I am on episode 2. Episode 1 ends with the Queen giving birth to her second child, a girl, who also happens to be, lets just say, not the same skin tone as the King. And here, for me, the problem starts, although there was obviously problems in the royal marriage of at least 9 months gestation.

In the second episode, we see a funeral, a pretence, a show, to everyone around the court and the country and to it’s neighbours, the Dutch, that there has been another story, the story of a still-birth. Most of the court is unaware of what has happened, they are grieving the death of the Royal Princess, unknowing that the child is alive and well, and being nursed by a blind wet-nurse.

How many times in our lives does something happen that we did not want to happen, and then we invent stories to cover up the truth?

When I attended my Mother’s funeral, the lies that she had told to her friends began to becomeĀ  much clearer to me. The reason that she had kept me at arms length at events that I would have liked to have been invited to, became much clearer. She had lied about my life, she had lied about who my father was, she had told stories to those around her, and she had to keep the pretence up.

There is a line in the 2nd episode, it goes “Don’t you understand how rumours start? Silence only fuels the fire” If people are not told the truth, then they make up their own.

I find myself watching Versailles and thinking about the political turmoil in the current situation in the UK and the EU. History really doesn’t change that much. Costume does, but not the human story behind it, the power, the way women have used their charm and beauty to get what they want, the power hungry men (and women) and the death and destruction that powerful people leave in their wake.