What is Your Adoptee Anthem?

The Flourish Family have done it again. After our last session a week ago someone posted in our group Kesha singing This Is Me from the film The Greatest Showman, and called it the Adoptee Anthem.

Someone then asked us to post the songs that most resonates with us and our journey through adoption. It didn’t take me long to list Phil Collins Separate Lives

I have since spent the past week listening to much of Phil’s music, that was the background to my life back in the 1980’s. His personal life, the splitting up from his wife, led him to write many lyrics, that when I heard them, mirrored my feelings that I had in my relationship with my birth mother, Pat. Pat had turned up in my life when I was training as a nurse, and what should have been a period of discovering more about myself, turned out to be a stressful and emotional time. She couldn’t bring herself to explain what had happened back in 1960, to bring about my conception, and so I didn’t see much point in continuing the relationship. I couldn’t find a footing to have a relationship with someone who I felt was of my parent’s generation. I had nothing in common, we had no shared experience to begin a conversation. What we had shared, my 9 months of gestation, she became upset over and I was accused of upsetting her! She couldn’t or wouldn’t even tell me what time I was born. The words in the song “You have no right to ask me how I feel” took on great significance, that when singing along, I would shout them out with passion in the middle of the song.

I Don’t Care Anymore summed up how I was feeling about my relationship with Pat and how I couldn’t take her behaviour anymore. It starts with Phil on the drums, and it has a tribal feel to it, that gets my heart chakra energised.

This past week, revisiting the time of my life in the 80’s has been enlightening. I have listened to lyrics that had meaning for me at the time, that I now have a slightly different view of it, as I have healed over the years.

So thank you to Sara, for raising the question about the music. I will continue to listen to Phil, but I will also remind myself:

I am brave, I am bruised, I am who I’m meant to be, This is Me!

This is Me, First Night on Kilimanjaro

Thanks for reading. What is your adoptee anthem?

There is a Finding Joy Community over on facebook, for any adoptee who is searching for ways of looking to help with dealing with the feelings and emotions of being relinquished. I look forward to welcoming you there.

Blessings and Joy, Joy

Introducing Therapy Thursday

This post explains the Therapy Thursday category. I hope this will become a regular slot to help you Find Joy in your lives, naturally.

Over the years I have used many different natural methods to help heal my primal wound, caused by my relinquishment at birth. Some were easy, like using aromatherapy essential oils in a bath or burner, others not so pleasant, such as those therapies that made me dig deep inside myself to heal a festering wound. Then there were the ones inbetween, that were pleasant enough to receive but the healing cisis that they evoked was necessary, but not always pleasant.

Each Thursday I will bring you one aspect from my healing journey and share them with you.

This is not a comprehensive list but they will include:

Aromatherapy along with those oils I found helpful

McTimoney Chiropractic

CranioSacral Therapy

Sozo Healing

Counselling

Shiatsu

If you have a healing story to tell, on adoption, please get in touch and see your journey, here on this blog.

Blessings and Joy, Joy

What’s It Like Being An Adoptee?

How do I explain to the non-adopted person what it feels like to be adopted?

If you had asked me this question 10 or 20 years ago, I would have described it like being a volcano. Can you imagine what that is like? Can you imagine a constant unease in the very pit of your body, rumbling away that you are never still, even when asleep? At your very core you are aware that “stuff” is bubbling deep inside you that is an effort to keep under control. Then, just like a volcano, you erupt, casting poisonous words and thoughts into the air causing harm to all those who stand in your path. They are the very same people who have taken shelter on your slopes. Your family, friends those who you have tried to maintain a relationship with you. Sometimes it’s at work, but that’s not recommended. Bosses really don’t like it when you go around exploding all over the place. To be fair nobody likes it when you do it, it’s just that bosses can discipline you. Boyfriends can jilt you. Family disown you. But that’s ok because you’re adopted, no-one sticks around forever do they? After all who wants to set up camp next to a live volcano?

After the initial explosion comes the slow ooze of lava of hatred and self-loathing of yourself, and others. You are now alone, no-one to trigger another explosion, and you try to tell yourself that that is the way you always wanted it. The adopted person likes to control the situation around them in an effort to control the volcanic eruption that can come on at a moments notice, with no conscious idea why.

Over the past 10- 20 years I have done so much work on myself, trying to reach the source of the rumblings and therefore having some control over them. They are far less frequent and I can spot them coming and can distance myself and work on it. I have come such a long way in that time, and now wish to share my findings it how I have found joy in my life. If you would like to know what I have discovered, then please follow my blog and read each post as it gets published.

Feel free to come and join the Finding Joy Community on facebook where we can support each other on our healing journey.

Blessings and Joy, Joy