The Flourish Family have done it again. After our last session a week ago someone posted in our group Kesha singing This Is Me from the film The Greatest Showman, and called it the Adoptee Anthem.
Someone then asked us to post the songs that most resonates with us and our journey through adoption. It didn’t take me long to list Phil Collins Separate Lives
I have since spent the past week listening to much of Phil’s music, that was the background to my life back in the 1980’s. His personal life, the splitting up from his wife, led him to write many lyrics, that when I heard them, mirrored my feelings that I had in my relationship with my birth mother, Pat. Pat had turned up in my life when I was training as a nurse, and what should have been a period of discovering more about myself, turned out to be a stressful and emotional time. She couldn’t bring herself to explain what had happened back in 1960, to bring about my conception, and so I didn’t see much point in continuing the relationship. I couldn’t find a footing to have a relationship with someone who I felt was of my parent’s generation. I had nothing in common, we had no shared experience to begin a conversation. What we had shared, my 9 months of gestation, she became upset over and I was accused of upsetting her! She couldn’t or wouldn’t even tell me what time I was born. The words in the song “You have no right to ask me how I feel” took on great significance, that when singing along, I would shout them out with passion in the middle of the song.
I Don’t Care Anymore summed up how I was feeling about my relationship with Pat and how I couldn’t take her behaviour anymore. It starts with Phil on the drums, and it has a tribal feel to it, that gets my heart chakra energised.
This past week, revisiting the time of my life in the 80’s has been enlightening. I have listened to lyrics that had meaning for me at the time, that I now have a slightly different view of it, as I have healed over the years.
So thank you to Sara, for raising the question about the music. I will continue to listen to Phil, but I will also remind myself:
I am brave, I am bruised, I am who I’m meant to be, This is Me!
Thanks for reading. What is your adoptee anthem?
There is a Finding Joy Community over on facebook, for any adoptee who is searching for ways of looking to help with dealing with the feelings and emotions of being relinquished. I look forward to welcoming you there.
Blessings and Joy, Joy