The Investigation

There is a brilliant new series that started on BBC2 last night. It is called The Investigation. It covers the true story of a missing journalist, Kim Wall, in Denmark, back in 2017. The series covers the investigation to find her and bring a criminal to justice. I don’t want to spoil the story for anyone, so won’t give too many details away, but I have been mesmerised by it, and thankfully was able to watch the whole series on iplayer. What follows is my attempt to explain to you, my reader, the similarities between the programme, The Investigation and what trying to find out about your roots and heritage is like, after adoption.

The Investigation aka To Search

1) The Nameless Person: This series focusses on the investigation, not on the accused, we don’t even get to know their name. Many an adopted person has their name changed at the point of adoption. It is like the child who was, no longer exists, is unimportant enough to be remembered by their name. How do you know where to look if you don’t even know who you are looking for. I found the fact that we don’t know the accused’s name pleasantly reassuring, taking the limelight and fame off the criminal, and putting it firmly where it belongs, in my humble opinion, back on the investigation and the grieving family.

2) Knowing where to look: Where do they begin? That is the question on every adoptees lips, once they decide to start to go looking for their roots. Many are given no information, and worse have been given information that are lies, in an effort to stop them finding the truth. Where do the police need to start looking for clues to help them solve the case? What information do they have to go on that leads them to a site, only to be disappointed and frustrated by the lack of evidence that they find there. So much scratching of heads for what they have missed, and off they go in another place looking for answers. A tiny clue to the puzzle, and off they go in another direction, looking for evidence and information to make a case, or in the adoptee’s case, find their parents.

3) Lies and stories: Throughout this series, the alleged accused, keeps changing his story to fit the evidence that has been uncovered. Oh how familiar am I with a birth mother who told stories depending on who you were and what she thought you need to know? The birth mother and family are often ashamed of their past and will put twists on their story to make them feel better ie maintain their face. When trying to get to the truth, the adoptee is confronted with webs of stories, amongst which are grains of truth, but working out which part, is the investigation.

4) Why? The Motive: Again more searching through the evidence to see if they can discover why the crime took place. And being given up for adoption is a crime, at least it feels that way according to the adoptee. It feels wrong, it feels not right. It feels like it shouldn’t have happened to them, but it did, and now we need to know why, and undertake our own investigation. Understanding the why the need for adoption, helps the adoptee to understand why someone else, often the birth family, made the decisions they did at the time of their birth.

5) Not Knowing: The parents of the victim are desperate to get answers as to what has happened to their daughter, just as the adoptee is desperate to know what happened to their parents. The not knowing is the painful, difficult part. Once they have the truth, painful or otherwise, they then can process their pain and work with it. It can make them stronger if they choose it to, or it can break them. Read my previous post Pearl or Addict

6) Being Let Down by a Parent: The police and other services spend many many hours over 6 months or so, investigating the disappearance of Kim Wall. That’s leads to some of them, I suspect many of them, not being there for their families at momentous times in family life. For the lead Inspector, this is a common repeating pattern of behaviour for his daughter. Rejection, rejection, rejection until she can finally take it no more and decides to take control of the situation and manage it her way. Sound familiar to any adoptee reading this?

7) Language The series is filmed in Danish with subtitles. For me that is not an issue, but there are so many trans-country adoptions. These children grow up in a culture with a completely different language to their roots. When looking for the truth they have the added layer of language, maybe needing to find an interpreter to help them.

This series is worth the paying the tv licence for, and I don’t say that lightly. Over the past 10-11 months I have called them out for being biased and following the msm narrative and downright lying and fearmongering us over a virus, that I was on the verge of tearing up my tv licence and refusing to pay for another one. This and a few other programmes has restored my faith on them a lot.

Right at the very end of the series, in episode six, light comes to the fore, and shines brightly in the darkness. Being adopted has a lot of darkness and it takes a lot of work, often at times when it feels absolutely impossible and the ground that needs covering is massive, that giving up seems the best option. This series will show that perseverance pays off. Since March 2020, the health scenario that is going on worldwide, has given me the chance and the opportunity to research more about the situation surrounding my birth and subsequent adoption. Out of the darkness of the past 11 months, I have found the light and become stronger in the process. I am still working on writing my story, which has involved lots of digging deep into myself, to find the answers. By writing my story I hope that I will inspire others to do the same, and do their own investigations.

Blessings and Joy, Joy

3 thoughts on “The Investigation

  1. Quoting you with some literary license, Being given up for adoption is a crime, at least it feels that way according to the adoptee. It feels wrong, it feels not right. It feels like it shouldn’t have happened to them, but it did, and now we need to know why, and undertake our own investigation. Understanding the why the adoption happened.

    My mom tried to get her adoption file in the early 1990s and was rejected. I promised myself after she died, I would try and get what she was denied. Turns out, no one told her that less than 10 years later, the law in Tennessee changed and she could have gotten what I have now. She could have met a half-sister and 4 aunts and uncles. It is beyond sad. She was a Georgia Tann baby and my grandmother was exploited. My grandmother lost my mom after being sent to Virginia to have and give her up but not doing so, instead bringing her back to Memphis – where they both met their sad fate.

    My dad never seemed to want to know about his origins, in fact, he cautioned my mom against searching and so, she only shared her feelings with me after that. The sad thing is – my dad’s half sister lived less than 90 miles from him when he died. She could have told him what his mother was like. She was coerced by the religious missionaries at The Salvation Army, whose home for unwed mothers she gave birth to my dad at in California and then went to work for The Salvation Army, transferring to El Paso TX with my dad in tow. She didn’t give him up until he was 8 mos old. She was still breastfeeding him when he was taken from her.

    In less than one year after both of my parents died only 4 mos apart, knowing next to nothing about their origins, I now know who all 4 of my original grandparents were and have connected with an aunt and several genetic cousins. I never thought I’d be able to identify my dad’s father, he was born with his mother’s maiden name because she was unwed. But my paternal grandmother left me some breadcrumbs by what she named my dad and a headshot of his actual father in a photo album. He was a Danish immigrant and married. Neither he nor any of his family – some in the US, many still in Denmark, never knew about my dad until I turned up with matching DNA.

    There are questions I will never be able to answer that will haunt my heart for the rest of my life but finally I am whole again – instead of a black hole of not knowing stretching out into an infinity of ancestors I never knew I had until after I was already over 60 years old.

    • I don’t necessarily think the being given up for adoption is a crime. The criminal activity is what is done around that event, the hiding the facts from those who want to go and search.
      I can understand your frustration in wanting to know about your roots, your genes, but your parents wanting to let sleeping dogs lie. Having the primal wound inflicted is a painful one, and some prefer not to keep picking at it, for fear of being rejected all over again. I have noticed on my life’s travels that it is men who are less likely to want to go looking. Women tend to want to go searching for answers when they have children of their own.
      I asked my own daughter a few weeks back what is was like being the daughter of an adoptee and not know what was in some of her gene pool? At present she seems quite content with not knowing, Maybe she’ll change her mind one day, who knows. Blessings and thanks for your insight. J

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