Symbolism of Adoption Part 2

Symbols have been used throughout millenia to show that someone beleongs to a certain tribe or group. I recently discovered that there is a symbol that stands for adoption as posted recently in the post adoption symbol part 1. Many people who have been adopted seem keen to have it as a tattoo. Others are vociferous in their rejection of it. That topic will be covered in another post. For now I would like to share with you some thoughts on the adoption symbol and some ideas for others, that may be more appropriate.

When I saw the adoption symbol, my first thought is that my childhood and subsequent traumas and traversties would be best symbolised by a see saw, with myself playing the pivot, whilst the 2 sets of parents were at either end of the plank, being carefully balanced on the shoulders of the child. The heart of the child is patched together, barely holding together through the pain of rejection and abandonment. As an adopted adult, I was very much aware of my parents feelings about the 2 adults who had given their child up for adoption. Much as I wanted to learn more about my roots and my genetics, I was also aware of sounding ungrateful to the family that had taken me in, and raised me as their own.

The 3 Hearts of Adoption

Thinking deeper, and taking the triangle as a representation of the dynamics, I realised that in no way were they equilateral. The child, or more commonly, the baby, is taken with no reference to it’s personal choice. It is taken from one set of parents and given to another, pure and simple. One set cannot or does not want the child, the other set does. A simple solution to a complex societal problem. One family is not complete, whilst a fractured family has a piece missing from it’s heart.Society has always appeared to think that the family that can give the child more than another family can, has got to be the best solution for a child. When did anyone ever stop to think how the child may feel in years to come.

Which Side are you Child?

So the triangle needs to be one of unequal proportion in it’s side lengths. You get to chose which side signifies who?

Blessings and Joy, Joy

This post is written by aspiring author Joy Smith who is currently writing her memoir about Finding Joy. As she explores her feelings around her adoption, the effect it had on her growing up, and life long healing from it, she shares insights as she researches the topic, and applies it to life, for her health and happiness.

Adoption Symbol? Part 1

Tomorrow is the last day of November, and I have just found out that November is National Adoption Month is the States. Something that I also found out is that there is an adoption symbol.

It is signified by a triangle and a heart. The three-sided shape, represents the three “sides” in the adoption triad, the birth parents and family, the child, and the adopted parents and family. The heart is there to represent the love between them all. The standard one is a plain equilateral triangle with a heart entwined in it. The one below is one that I designed, with a slighty more organic feel to the triangle, to show the nature side of it, with a heart which has a hook withon it, and a closed end. What do you think that signifies?

I have my own views on the symbol and will share with you in another post. The topic of my adoption is a slowly evolving one. It is things such as stumbling across a symbol that I did not even know existed, that challenges me and takes me further on the journey.

Please follow my blog if you would like to read more about my discovery of Joy as I write Finding Joy.

Blessings and Joy, Joy

Resistance to Writing Meditation

A few weeks ago I joined an accountability group to help get me motivated to get my book written. We meet every week or two, via zoom and generally have a topic to discuss. There are only four of us, and we have gelled very well, in a short space of time.

After this week’s call, we were set the task of meditating on “What are we resisiting?” and then write freely what came up.

Well that was an easy one to answer. Writing a book is such a huge task, and I really didn’t know where to start, so I kept procrastinating on it. Now that I have identified that as a resisitance, I have set down a list of small bite size chunks that I can achieve, after being reminded that that is the way to eat an elephant.

Later that same day I wrote the first draft chapters of the book.

The book is going to be a teaching memoir, based around my experiences of growing up, knowing that I was adopted, the struggles that gave me, and my healing journey towards acceptance of myself. Since joining one or two groups on facebook, I have come to discover that many of the people caught up in the adoption triange, have similar issues in coming to terms with it. My vision is that it will help anybody who is affected by adoption. If you would ike to know more, please follow this blog as I post regular updates to my progress.

You can join me on facebook in the Aligned with Joy Community where we post things that give us joy in our life.

Blessings & Joy, Joy

Adoption or Abandonment

Speaking as someone who was adopted, I have recently come across the word “adoptee” to refer to someone like myself. I have an issue with it, and my reason being this.

To refer to someone as an adoptee, fails to encompass the fact that they often feel abandoned and rejected. It sounds so passive, and does not embrace the turmoil that describes their experience, or is that just me?

When I google the word adopted I get images of happy families such as this one. Happy pictures of 2 adults and a child, or children, sometimes against a sunset backdrop. Others, like this one, include a child with a drawing of the complete happy family. The child or children have filled a gap, a need, for the adults and they all go off to live happily ever after.

Although for many, they don’t.

Many spend years feeling abandoned and rejected. In her book “Journey of the Adopted Self, A Quest for Wholeness”, Betty Jean Lifton talks about feeling Betwixt and Between, like Peter Pan, the boy who never grew up, who had adventures with fairies and Tiger Lily, as well as the Darling children. Well I don’t identify with Peter Pan, who “took off” at seven days old. I grew up feeling abandoned, alone, misunderstood and had an issue with rejection my whole life. As a child I did not understand attachment issues, or self-fulfilling prophesies, but later in adult life I began to see a pattern emerge in relationships, where I would not believe that anyone would love me for who I was. My mother had abandoned me at birth, I was sure that sooner or later any man would abandon me too.

When you look up the word abandoned, you find a lonesome child, or a neglected house. Gone are the fuzzy families living happily ever after. They are replaced with images that represent more of the feelings that I recognise.

Memories of taking a book, to spend time alone, on the stairs, or some other quiet place where I can escape into a story and let my imagination take flight. Uninteruppted by family activites, who were wont to exclude me anyway, being an only child within a group of 5 siblings. They were a quadruplet of adventurists that I never felt a part of, being 5 years younger than the next one up, and 10 years difference between myself and the eldest. They had adventures without me, being bigger and faster and able to climb trees that I could only stare up into and wishing that I was Tinkerbell, and that I could fly to join them in the branches.

This journey to dive deep into my own memories, and piece together the relationships and personal stories around my own life, from pre-conception to now, just 6 weeks before my 60th Birthday, has brought many undulations. I have gone from being elated at finding out pieces of a jigsaw, to lows to discover how laws and society treated the children who, through no fault of their own, ended up in the adoption process. Trying to fill a big whole in the jigsaw of 2 adults lives, often finding themselves not belonging in the picture at all.

My next post will be Wounds and Scars. Please follow my blog to read more about my journey to Finding Joy

Or you can join the Finding Joy Community for adoptees, where I provide a space for your voice to be heard.


2020, Time to Reflect, Research and Write

2020 has been the most unusual year. It has given us all time to sit and think about life, and the meaning of it. Back in the Spring when it all kicked off, at least here in the UK, the weather was gorgeous, and we took the 3 months “stay at home” orders as a welcome relief to slow our lives down, spend time with family members if we were lucky enough to live with them, and take in the sights and sounds of nature. We could hear the birds sing, as they no longer had to compete with traffic from the early moring rush to get to work. We could sit in the glorious sunshine, and be grateful for all that we had. We watched the trees almost bloom right in front of our very eyes, one blossom after another appeared on the branches. They heaved under the weight of them. We watched as nature began it’s Great Reset, from all the pollution that our daily lives caused.

I was very grateful for my Community of Mystic Healers, as we entered into a 40 day Desert Soul exploration at the very beginning of the adventure that is 2020. Mid July, I did a 7 day writer’s challenge with Hay House. Boy aren’t we all so grateful for the internet this year? How it connected us to do all sorts of things. It fed our fear but also allowed us to spread the truth, the ones that main stream media were not telling us.

As the year wore on, summer came and went, we now find ourselves approaching Winter. Those trees that we watched turn green and blossom in the Spring, are now turning the autumnal colours of golds, russets, rusts oranges and yellows, and dropping to form a carpet of leaves that are an amazing intricate pattern on the grass. Nature is such an amazing artist, if we just take time to observe the colours and the textures that make up the richness that surrounds us.

Here is my latest collection of reading. I wonder what they will throw up. I was only 2 pages in to the first book, before it threw up some interesting thoughts to ponder. I’ll share them with you soon. They are certainly giving me some food for thought on chapters for my book.Here is my latest collection of reading. I wonder what they will throw up. I was only 2 pages in to the first book, before it threw up some interesting thoughts to ponder. I’ll share them with you soon. They are certainly giving me some food for thought on chapters for my book.

I hope you will join me as I discover more about myself on this journey of discovering myself, through the process of addressing the issues caused by my adoption. Feel free to drop me a comment about how this post made you feel.

On 12th Feb 2021 I started the Finding Joy Community on Facebook. Please come and join me and heal from your primal wound. Let’s make a Joyful community.